Sesshin “downtime”
There are three times during sesshin in which we may be tempted to relax our efforts and assume that we’re in the middle of downtime, break time, free time or some other hiatus that doesn’t require us to pay attention to our deportment and attitude. One is during kinhin periods, the second is during personal time after meals and the third is in the moments when we believe we’re waiting for something. None of these is actually “downtime.” We consider the time between the opening bells on the first day of sesshin and the closing bell on the last day to be one continuous period of zazen, no matter what we’re doing with the body. Just as we wouldn’t suddenly break off our zazen in the middle of a period to engage in something else, we don’t casually drop our focus, precision and deportment at any point throughout the day.
Kinhin is not break time
We sometimes remind folks at the beginning that there are no "breaks" during sesshin. That doesn't mean that we ignore the needs of the body or that we need to be tough and harsh with ourselves. Sesshin is not a test of endurance for people with something to prove. "No breaks" means that there is no time during the sesshin at which we let go of zazen mind. It’s continuous, rather than something divided into periods that we put on and take off according to the schedule.
Zazen is purposely not very interesting, and after awhile we may think we want to do something else. It would be nice to step outside for a few minutes during kinhin to look at something prettier than the wall, or to go see what's available in the library or on our phones. We're either chasing after something to play with or running away from thoughts we don't like. The problem is that we've just spent 50 minutes letting go of thought, and now we're backsliding, simply replacing one set of thoughts with another that we're going to spend the next 50 minutes trying not to grasp. There will always be thoughts, and one set of thoughts isn't better or worse than another. We've put ourselves into a container designed to help us let go of all thinking, even thinking about the dharma, and the idea that we need to "take a break" works against the very situation into which we've chosen to enter. Instead, we just immerse ourselves in the practice of letting thoughts come and go, hour after hour, without searching for anything else to do.
If you’re tempted to consider kinhin an optional activity in which you engage if you haven’t got something better to do, consider that the point of sesshin is not to feed the fire of craving, delusion and self-clinging. Hopping in and out of the sesshin container never lets the fire die down. If there is really some business to which you urgently need to attend – you need to use the restroom, take your medication, get a sweater because the zendo is cold — then kinhin can be the time to step out for a moment to do it. If you’re looking for a reason to leave, or you’re casually strolling out of the zendo to stand in the common room staring out the window, ask yourself why, and whether that’s really supporting your practice.
If you’ve been assigned a role, like cooking meals, that requires completing multiple tasks throughout the day, then you may indeed need to leave kinhin somewhat regularly to attend to them. If not, it’s very unlikely that you have urgent business to deal with at the top of every hour. If you manage your body thoughtfully, you can quite easily complete all of the ten kinhin periods per day in their entirety and attend to your personal affairs in the space following meals.
What to do with personal time
During personal time after meals we are no longer acting entirely in unison. Nonetheless, we are still functioning together as one community. This is not the time to pull out your phone, whistle in the bathroom, have a goofy conversation or settle down with a book. Try to avoid distracting yourself and others. Walking, stretching, taking care of your belongings, having a cup of tea or drink of water or other similar activities can all be carried out within zazen mind and with appropriate deportment.
There is no waiting
The third opportunity for wandering away comes when we think we’re waiting for something to happen — everyone to finish taking care of sitting places following a zazen period, meal tables to be set up, food serving or eating to be completed. Actually, there is no waiting during sesshin. Since the entire sesshin is one continuous period of zazen, the default is that we always return to zazen unless it’s time to do something else. “Waiting” would mean that we’re pointing ourselves toward something other than here and now, and that’s not zazen.
This means there’s no need to become impatient with others who are moving a little more slowly. We always have something in which to actively engage, and that’s zazen. When it’s time to move into the next activity, we just do that smoothly and calmly.
It also means that it’s not necessary to become sloppy and slapdash when we’re the ones taking a bit of extra time. Yikes! I’m the last one on my feet after zazen, and everyone’s waiting for me. I’ll just skip straightening things up and bowing to the cushion, and instead I’ll just whirl around quickly somehow in order to catch up. What a relief to abandon that self-centered point of view, full of distracting, jagged, nervous energy. No one is waiting for you, and there’s no reason not to carry out your practice wholeheartedly and completely. Everyone has simply returned to zazen while standing in gassho until it’s time to move into kinhin.
Giving up decisionmaking
It may be that we resist the understanding that there is no downtime during sesshin because we so want to be in charge of what’s happening to and around us. It can feel like we’re out of control when we’re not directing our own activities. Even something as small as stretching and yawning and standing about with hands in pockets instead of turning to pick up our oryoki sets and stand in zazen until meal tables are ready can be an act of rebellion against the container. Although the ego may be screaming I want to decide what to do next, the point of sesshin is to stop doing exactly that. We don’t decide when to get up, when to do zazen, what to eat, or what to do with our hands. Our aspiration during sesshin is to make as few decisions as possible, and the sesshin container is designed to enable that. We have no other chances in life like this, without distraction or the need for making choices. Sesshin is a safe place to let go of that operation because someone is assigned to do it for you. Not accepting that gift means continuing to act like an individual, creating distraction and breaking the container for yourself and others.
Kinhin is not break time
We sometimes remind folks at the beginning that there are no "breaks" during sesshin. That doesn't mean that we ignore the needs of the body or that we need to be tough and harsh with ourselves. Sesshin is not a test of endurance for people with something to prove. "No breaks" means that there is no time during the sesshin at which we let go of zazen mind. It’s continuous, rather than something divided into periods that we put on and take off according to the schedule.
Zazen is purposely not very interesting, and after awhile we may think we want to do something else. It would be nice to step outside for a few minutes during kinhin to look at something prettier than the wall, or to go see what's available in the library or on our phones. We're either chasing after something to play with or running away from thoughts we don't like. The problem is that we've just spent 50 minutes letting go of thought, and now we're backsliding, simply replacing one set of thoughts with another that we're going to spend the next 50 minutes trying not to grasp. There will always be thoughts, and one set of thoughts isn't better or worse than another. We've put ourselves into a container designed to help us let go of all thinking, even thinking about the dharma, and the idea that we need to "take a break" works against the very situation into which we've chosen to enter. Instead, we just immerse ourselves in the practice of letting thoughts come and go, hour after hour, without searching for anything else to do.
If you’re tempted to consider kinhin an optional activity in which you engage if you haven’t got something better to do, consider that the point of sesshin is not to feed the fire of craving, delusion and self-clinging. Hopping in and out of the sesshin container never lets the fire die down. If there is really some business to which you urgently need to attend – you need to use the restroom, take your medication, get a sweater because the zendo is cold — then kinhin can be the time to step out for a moment to do it. If you’re looking for a reason to leave, or you’re casually strolling out of the zendo to stand in the common room staring out the window, ask yourself why, and whether that’s really supporting your practice.
If you’ve been assigned a role, like cooking meals, that requires completing multiple tasks throughout the day, then you may indeed need to leave kinhin somewhat regularly to attend to them. If not, it’s very unlikely that you have urgent business to deal with at the top of every hour. If you manage your body thoughtfully, you can quite easily complete all of the ten kinhin periods per day in their entirety and attend to your personal affairs in the space following meals.
What to do with personal time
During personal time after meals we are no longer acting entirely in unison. Nonetheless, we are still functioning together as one community. This is not the time to pull out your phone, whistle in the bathroom, have a goofy conversation or settle down with a book. Try to avoid distracting yourself and others. Walking, stretching, taking care of your belongings, having a cup of tea or drink of water or other similar activities can all be carried out within zazen mind and with appropriate deportment.
There is no waiting
The third opportunity for wandering away comes when we think we’re waiting for something to happen — everyone to finish taking care of sitting places following a zazen period, meal tables to be set up, food serving or eating to be completed. Actually, there is no waiting during sesshin. Since the entire sesshin is one continuous period of zazen, the default is that we always return to zazen unless it’s time to do something else. “Waiting” would mean that we’re pointing ourselves toward something other than here and now, and that’s not zazen.
This means there’s no need to become impatient with others who are moving a little more slowly. We always have something in which to actively engage, and that’s zazen. When it’s time to move into the next activity, we just do that smoothly and calmly.
It also means that it’s not necessary to become sloppy and slapdash when we’re the ones taking a bit of extra time. Yikes! I’m the last one on my feet after zazen, and everyone’s waiting for me. I’ll just skip straightening things up and bowing to the cushion, and instead I’ll just whirl around quickly somehow in order to catch up. What a relief to abandon that self-centered point of view, full of distracting, jagged, nervous energy. No one is waiting for you, and there’s no reason not to carry out your practice wholeheartedly and completely. Everyone has simply returned to zazen while standing in gassho until it’s time to move into kinhin.
Giving up decisionmaking
It may be that we resist the understanding that there is no downtime during sesshin because we so want to be in charge of what’s happening to and around us. It can feel like we’re out of control when we’re not directing our own activities. Even something as small as stretching and yawning and standing about with hands in pockets instead of turning to pick up our oryoki sets and stand in zazen until meal tables are ready can be an act of rebellion against the container. Although the ego may be screaming I want to decide what to do next, the point of sesshin is to stop doing exactly that. We don’t decide when to get up, when to do zazen, what to eat, or what to do with our hands. Our aspiration during sesshin is to make as few decisions as possible, and the sesshin container is designed to enable that. We have no other chances in life like this, without distraction or the need for making choices. Sesshin is a safe place to let go of that operation because someone is assigned to do it for you. Not accepting that gift means continuing to act like an individual, creating distraction and breaking the container for yourself and others.
